Finally you can be sure. You can exhale, relax. The second line is there: you are pregnant. This is the start of your journey with your baby. Yes, I called your fetus a baby. This baby will grow, develop, and get stronger. You carry him. You carry your baby in every second, close to your heart.
Your baby has free access to food, he can sleep anytime he feels tired and he is comforted, cuddled and loved in every moment. This is his real world. Your heartbeat is the music he listens to before falling asleep, your heartbeat is there when he awakes. He is secured, he is warm, he is fed and he is free to move and straighten his legs, turn his body. This is the perfect place for him. You can tell how happy he is.
You can feel his moves and kicks; soon he will listen to your voice and will react. He will fall asleep if his daddy tells stories to him. You already communicate in every minute. You are connected.
Your baby is there, part of your body, growing from there like the most beautiful flower from the ground.
And then something happens that your baby does not understand. He feels that something terrible is going to happen and he cannot hear your heartbeat anymore. He can only hear loud voices, see blinding lights, strange people. He has to fight with breathing, smells, cold and being separated from his heartbeat. That heartbeat meant the warmth, the safety, the food and the love; that was everything he had.
He is scared now. He is scared to death.
The only relief is if he can get that heartbeat back. Not as loud as before but the same rhythm. He can feel the warmth of your skin. He knows that he is part of your body. He does not understand what happened but does not want accept the change. His biological need is to stay close to you, close to the heartbeat that he already knows well. This is the only way he can survive, he believes.
He does not know anything else, only how life was in the womb. Every day will bring something new to learn. But he feels safe only close to you. You carried him for months, keep going now. Carry him close to your heart.
There is only one thing that can be even scarier than the noisy, crowded world: the silence in the darkness, when he is left alone without the heartbeat.
Mariann
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